Typically monday

Today I mat my nomad coach at virgin money. Then I thought that I see what book I went to a book store and have a look around on what they got in stock, and see if there are anything interesting books, I can get my hands when I next get paid next Tuesday. As I got nope in my bank and only pasta in my cardboard till I next get paid. So I know what I going to be having these next week. Pasta.

I also went to the library to pick up a couple of books for me to read. I got the Jewel by Amy Ewing and Starborn by Lucy Hudson. As I thought that they be really cool reads.


When I got home I played on the sims for about 2 hours. They a baby on the way. So yeah the sims story will be on the way. I am going to create a blog dedicated for the sims free play for people who are interested, and I am going to link it here for people to read.

Then I watched Meet the Parents Little Rockers. Which is just an amazing. Now I am not one for comedy, but I can see Greg in me in sense that I am that strange, and always trying really hard to impress the people I care about. As to be honest I got nothing special about me. Nope exciting about me. This blog is just about an average well below average ugly girl who lives in Sheffield, and her daily life.

Then I watched Grease, which is the cheesiest musical ever. I love it only because how funny and true it is. Well true in some high school. Like both my high school, if a TV crew show up they be hugging round the camera like they never seen one before. I do like the songs though, my favorite is there are worse thing I could do. I used to know all the words to that song when I was like 8/9 years old. However because I haven't watched it for like ages I forgotten the lyrics.

Anyway got to go.

Just remember

You don't always need a plan. You sometimes just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens. Said by Mandy Hals.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Books and songs

Hello I thought that as I haven't gave a who am I or my top fav in a while. I thought that I let you all get into what I in my brain.

So my top favorite books are

1. The Iron King by Julie Kagawa
2. Finder by Connie Suttle
3. Forsaken by Jane Oliver
4. Unwind by Neal Shuskermen
5. The eye of Divinity by Robert E. Keller

I am trying to start a new series I am thinking the Hunter Legend series. I think it seams really cool and because it haven't heard a lot about it, and it not a movie or TV series. I really want to read it but I going to wait to my birthday or Christmas. As it consists of 30+ books in this series alone. There other series that over lap The Hunter Legend series. So she I start it I want to get a few and start when I can forces on the series. (Hint hint for gift. 😝😝😝😘) 

For top 5 songs at the moment 

1. Prom song from everybody talking about Jamie
2. Welcome to the Rock from come from away
3. You'll be back from Hamilton
4. Anything you can do from Annie get your gun
5. Disappear from Dear Evan Henson

Out of those 5 show's which the shows come from I only seen Everybody Talking about Jamie and Annie get your gun. However the rest of them are all massive musical it would be hard to not know at least one song from the show. 

Any other my favorite list you want to know let me know. I will see what I can do. 

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Catch up

What's up everybody? First off let me apologize for now post the past couple of days.

Thursday was a very busy day and by the time I got home I was ready for bed. Also my wrist was sore, but it was a lovely day. I went to do stand up comedy. Where it was a bit rush. We sang a couple of songs, the penguin song and also we did Who's pigs are these. Then went to create our last piece for the stand up comedy workshops.

At 20 past 5 the workshop got a tram to Atterclif, to be a tester audience, for this audio walking theatre along the cannel. The problem was the transmitter broke 10 minute into the walk. Which was like what do as they don't have a back up plan because they just tested it and the transmitter worked. So we had to end it ten minutes in. However we all carried down the cannel which is like another 50 minute to Victoria Queys. Which is just beautiful and we had a drink at a little unique pub by the Queys.

I want home and yeah after walking down the cannel and then extra 30/35 minute home I was super tired.

On Friday I woke up at 8:20 as I had at my place at 9. So it gave me time to wake up get the kettle on and get some caffin in my system. I waited at the reception 5 minute before 9 because just in case the people who I was having the meeting with came early. Half 9 no where to be seen. I went to back to my room, come ten o'clock, 1 of the 2 arrived. The person who shown up, thought it was 10 then the one who didn't said 9 but at her office. Which wouldn't happened, we 100% arranged it at my place. So we arranged it, and I had to triple check the person who took the message, said.

Today I went to painted fabrics rehearsal, we are finally got a clear date on when the show is on. It will be on the 30th of November and 1st December. Which is great. It going to be at the University of Sheffield drama studio. Which hold in total of 177 people.

Anyway over the past couple of days I started playing sims free play. I got in total four sims. There names are Zanny, Luke, Owen and Annie (I think I should of written her name down.) They all knew to the town so I let you know how they getting along.

Anyway goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny

I got you.

Today was a lovely day where I went to  the Holt. Where I did writing for two hours. I did a bit where I created a scene of auto theatre. Which was really interesting to write, as I never seen Auto theatre, but have heard great thing about them. Then I did a bit on the space ship diary entry which was slightly hard, because I skipped from day 208 to day 738. As I want to see where I want the person who writing the diary entry to end up.

Afterwards I went to Church cause I am a partner in the vision. It was a night of celebration. We celebrated many achievement, to celebrate people within the church. It lovely to see people who are not normally seen within the church being thanks. People like the people who we celebrated tonight, are so deserving . As they helped so many people within the church. I never really know them that well just faces to me, but they are always smiling, which is amazing.

When I got home at 10pm I found out that Josie Walker and Phil Nicol is leaving Everybody Talking about Jamie. Which is sad that they leaving the cast, but also it nice to see what is in store for those two. Also just because they leaving doesn't mean they leaving the Jamie Family. I know both Josie Walker and Phil will be in the Jamie family heart. For me Josie Walker will never be forgotten. She is such a inspiration for me. I just love everything about Josie. Her voice is just stunning, and her personality is just beautiful. For me it will be hard to see Margaret New played by anybody but Josie. I know she can't play her forever, and I am looking forward to see who is playing both Margaret and Hugo after they leave.

I just going to end today's blog on saying that you are all wonderful people and I love each one of you. You are wonderfully made and each loved. I love walking alongside you on your journey, though all you ups and down. Love seeing where all your paths take.

Currently listening well watching -I got you from Bring it on:the Musical.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Hi

So today been a lovely day. Well apart from trying to convert a AVI file, to a MP4 or a MOV, which didn't want to convert for some unknown reason, and we tried serval different sites and it was either didn't want to convert or say there a charge. They one that did convert it seem to not like my voice so just converted the audio.

Then afterwards I had a bit of lunch at Bankers Draft as somehow after meeting my nomad coach. I always end up hungry. Somehow we always talk about food, or hot celebrities. Which isn't a bad thing. I enjoy talking about hot celebs, to be honest I think my Nomad coach have a thing Leonardo DiCaprio.

Then afterwards I got something for painted fabrics show. Which is going really well. Very creative session, as we had a chance to explore who the characters we want to link all the historical events of Painted fabrics. So there was hot seats, it was interesting to get into a mind frame, of character that haven't been created yet. But that made it easier because then if it someone who is real or a character that already been created. As it like yeah I feel like that what they say. Instead of would they, wouldn't they.

Anyway I need to somehow rewrite stand up comedy piece for the workshop that I am doing on Thursday. So that going to be fun to rewrite it.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Just me

Hello. Today I spent most of the day wondering who I am as a person. I know I've been doing that a lot recently. However due to the workshop that I did at the crucible on being you. It got me thinking who am I. As I would love to use the skills that I learnt in the Sheffield people Theatre  workshop. However if I don't know who I am, how can bring the best of me to audition, call backs or any other form of interview if I don't know who I am. I know I will be always learning who I am, and it will always be changing. Though if I know who I am know, at least I know what I can bring to a team and be more confident in myself.

So here what my heart start accepting I am.

1. Caring
2. Loyal
3. Brave
4. Fun
5. Silly (in the best way)
6. A great listener
7. Creative
8. Scared (I know that is a good trait but that who I am. I know I am brave but there different form of bravery and you can still be scared at the same time. Like I get scared at night, I am scared of the unknown. I hate it when people touching me from behind when I am out in public. I get super scared if I in a super crowed room, and/or can't see or get to a exit easily.)
9. Funny (love having a laugh)
10. Lost (not in the sense I don't know where I am, am home. More in the sense I still figuring out where I belong. Who my family is? Not in the biological family. I have a biological family, more in the one who are the people who I can call brothers, sister's, uncle or Auntie. When my biological family aren't around.) 

Anyway I got to go.

The song been playing all through me writing this is 

One step from love by fast food rocket

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Year on

I would love to say a massive thank you to everybody who read my blog regularly. I been writing my blog for a year now. It such a special moment for me. As I never thought I would be able on writing my blog for a year straight.

There was points where I wanted to stop the blog all together, but I do enjoy writing. I wouldn't be the person I am without writing my blog. It odd to say, that the simplest of thing, like writing a blog for a year can help and change somebody life in so many ways.

I always get on a weekly basis about how great it is, which still a shock it is to my system. Then I realise that people do enjoy what I am writing because I give a outlook on life that isn't really explored.

Like I know I don't get a huge readership it can be between 16 to about 30 people. But I know it can help someone, one way or another. 

People often forget that I am a human being and that I have dream's to. I am just different and I am not scared to act strange around people, and have fun. Just because people are strange and have fun. Doesn't mean they don't have "normal dreams"

This was a simple, I want to share my dreams, my goals and my life with everybody who cares. Also it was a way to remind myself mainly that anything that I set my mind to.

So thank you all  for keeping with for a year.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Workshop and painted fabrics

The song I got on repeat well writing today's blog is Move Like Jagger, by Maroon 5 and Cristina Aguilera. It one of the songs that will always get me up to dance and sing along to at any party.  I just in a 'I want to have fun.' Sort of mood.

Today I went to the crucible theatre, as I had a workshop that I wanted to attend, through Sheffield People Theatre. It was called How to be you with a theatre maker/Director called Phyche Stott. It was about just going into a job interview, or a Audition, and stop worrying as they are not asking you to be perfect. They expect to make mistake we are human. It just have fun and be yourself.

We had this activity where we had to walk around the room and do a bunch of stuff when Phyche Stott says. Go/walk, stop/stop, Clap/clap, Jump/Jump. Then we swapped them around, so go is stop, stop is walk, clap is jump and then Jump is clap. Which made a lot harder before we was all in synchronization. When it was mixed we was a mess and we all agreed it was a lot more stressful as we had to think more.

Then we did a task after we was told it OK to mess up. We had to walk around and when a number was called we had to get into that amount of people. It was a lot more pressure off our shoulder.

We did other activities like we was in pairs and we all had the same three lines.

A: tea or coffee?
B: Coffee please
A:Milk?
B: yes please
A:Sugar?
B:No thanks

And from that we had to create a screen where we have create a relationship and what happening. It interesting how such simple lines be side in so many ways.

Now this lasted three hours. 10-1 and right after I rushed up to Painted fabrics Saturday rehearsal, which started at 1. I was about half an hour late. They know I was going to be half an hour late as I told them before hand. Thankfully there was doing a vocal warm up I already know, so I could easily go into it as I was walking into the circle. Then for the rest of the rehearsal, we was talking about the whole ongoing love story that link the history of Painted fabrics. It going to be a moving show. So if you want to come to see it. Bring tissues.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Story time.

As I basical done nothing but listening to music. Like I am listening to a song now. But that doesn't count, as when I type the blog I have the same song on repeat, as I know the tune and I know I enjoy the song. Plus it reflect my mood. Like I currently listening to Rewrite the stars from the greatest Snowman.

As I done nothing. I thought you might be interested in what I wrote in Word art on Wednesday. It not brilliant I know that, but it something to fill the space. This was meant to be a simple five minute task but it somehow ended taking up the full two hours.

____________________________________________________________________

It was a lovely day as I walked out of the door. It is a nice change from what it has been like these past couple of weeks. We can finally say that spring have arrived. However I wasn't taking any chances and I had a umbrella in my bag, after all we are in England. I live in a small village in the English country side, and today is the start of the village festival, the whole village come together and have fun, it is the first year my Grandpa entered without Grandma by his side. This is one of the reason I am back in the village. 

I had to move closer because I am the only family he got now. After ma and pa died when I was five. I promised to be by there side. However at the age of 25 I thought I would be living my own live. I did for a while, I do love this village, it historical building, it cobal streets, it little family own café and tea shops. There isn't a new built in the village.

"Hello Tessy." That what I hate about this Village Mr Eriksson son Mark. He had this way with the lady's, he very charming and kind. Yes he is kind. There always a price to pay with him. I learnt that the hard way. He dated me because he wanted my family farm and when we wasn't selling he for very aggressive towards me..

I quickly walked trying to get away from him, but he grabbed my wrist tightly. "Get off me Mark." I tried to stay calm but try to get my wrist from his grin, but it wasn't getting out. It like he was got physical stronger, which really scared me. 

I could tell by his laugh that he can tell that I was scared. It was one of those evil laugh in a horror movie before the killer kill. "Oh Tessy, why are you scared? You used to enjoy me grabbing your wrist like this.' He smirked.

 I turned to face him. He hasn't change much in three years since I left. He dyed his hair to a copper colour. However his lime green eyes haven't change, they are cutting into my soul, like a sword on fire. I was struggling now. " Duck miss." Was all that I heard, as I quickly move just in time to see a fist flying past my head.

Mark let go, I managed to step back and stop myself from falling, but by the time I look at what was happening. Mark was punching the unknown guy, and he is badly bleeding. In the end he stopped when he was happy. He look at me angrily. "You will be my wife one day, and I will have your farm. As if you don't." He looked down to the unknown guy. He moved slightly. "The next won't be so lucky." He walked away.

I quickly ran over to the guy and kneeled beside him and pulled out my phone. I rang 999. "Hello 999 I need an amberlance at Wintercross bank near the Wintercross statue." 

Just then I felt a hand touch my hand. "Put the phone down. I am stronger then you think." 

I shock my head. "He been badly beaten up protecting me. He bleeding." I look in his eyes. Something in his eyes says that he is special. I looked down to his wounds. They seam to be clearing. 

I looked back up to his eyes and he smiled. He reached for my phone and I was wary but his eyes says to trust him. So I did. He place the phone to his ear and say. "Sorry miss. We don't need it now. All he needed was a few pain killers and plasters. Sorry again and thank for your time." Before I know it he place the phone back in my hand and stood up. Walking away.

_____________________________________________________________________

That it what I wrote.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

War Love Letters and Knights

A great song just started playing as I started typing on one of my playlist on Spotify and that is Never be Lonely, by The Feeling. That bring so many memory from year six. To Everybody Talking about Jamie. I grown up with Never be Lonely and I just love the song.

Now today been a very productive day, I went to stand up comedy. On the way there I quickly went into Oxfam and picked up to books. Love Letters of the Great war, mainly because of the painted fabrics play, and it links very well into the idea of a love story which we want in the show.

Then I picked up Knight: the Medieval Warrior's Manual. I only picked this up because I thought it will be interesting to read about what Knight where up to, because I just love history. I also unplanned wrote the whole Knights and jousting in my two minutes stand up comedy piece, which we all have to improve by next week.

Now hero I forget in two weeks on Tuesday, 3rd July 6pm to 9pm at theatre deli. There going to be a open mic night. It is free, and we would love as many people down there as possible to support the amazing homeless charity that is Crisis skylight. This charity has helped me build so my confidence in not only myself, but my writing skill but being able to just talk to people. They helped me see that there more to me them what I original thought. I have created something that I original thought I would be rubbish at. From stories, stained glass, Fimo, Acting and Singing.

After I done comedy, I went to Hope city for coactive. The Board cast and photography joined together to create serval five, five second videos. We had fun.

Now I am home after what seems like a long day, and I can feel the amount of walking I do, starting to effect my legs and ankle, as they kill. Good thing I got some Ibuprofen on me.

Anyway got to go.

Good night everybody

Love you.

Zanny xx

My long Wensday

Today was a lovely day, well did had counseling who want me to write a letter but in a style that a 11-14 year old me would say, to the bully at my school, as she want have a better understanding if how my past affected with how I am coping with life now and she knows I enjoy writing.

After that I went home a chilled for a bit before going out to word art. Where we just write what we just felt like. The person who runs it, who an amazing person. He says like he knows that I can write without a prompt, just pen to paper. So that what we did for two hours. He always amazed how complex my characters and how I can just writes and without thinking about it, created a back story.

As to be honest the first task was just a pen to paper and don't stop writing, and this was just for five minutes, but as we was just getting into it we spent the whole session. So of course when I started I just wrote.

I just had a blast, I always enjoy writing the stories I create in word art. As the person who run Word art, when you writing, he write along side you, and if you struggle, and if he struggle then he talk about. So it is nice to have in a sense a writing buddy.   As we can share ideas, as he struggle with thinking about background stories, which I am good at. Where he is good at giving me odd challenge.

After that I went to Norfolk park, which is such a beautiful park, as it have a stunning view of Sheffield. As I was waiting started reading a book which I found in a Oxfam Charity shop. It is called From the Two River by Robert Jordan. It apart of a series of 12 books. So I hope that I like the book as I do want to try and read a huge series like this. I will keep you update this book when I reading it.

At 7pm my friends from Hope City Church started to show up, and we just had a picnic. Which was nice, we played rounders. Which was alright, like I didn't really want to play but thought I should have a try, like I smiled but I don't like sport, I had a bad back and bad ankles, but I don't want to see like I never take part, like I would. I am much better just having a little kick around, not a match, just a little pass around. At time I nearly felt my ankle go, and I had to walk home which took me one and a half hour. I had fun at Norfolk park, but if my ankle and back wasn't playing up it would of been batter.

So my day means me getting up at 6:20am, it currently 10;52pm

Anyway got to go

Goodnight everybody.

Love you

Zanny xx

Hi

Hello, I had to take yesterday off from writing my blog. It was a personal choice. There isn't much to write about, for these past couple of days. I do enjoy writing these blog, it isn't that. It just because I have a lot of my plate these days. I am barley have anytime just to myself. Even when I have time to myself, I am either at counseling, walking or sleeping. 

When I walking I always have headphones on. So even then I don't have anytime to think.  So I feel like I don't know what to say anymore. Without you guys getting bored of me doing the same thing every single day. I am trying to throw in different things here and there to make it seems like I am not a robot.

For insect today is a standard Tuesday, rehearsal, Fimo, walked for an hour home, then been chilling. So there nothing new there. I have finished a piece from Fimo, well it been baked. It a small bowl. No picture of it though. Even though I am happy with it. I just feel like every time I post something I created, I feel a lot of hate for it. So that why I am keeping it to myself.

As to be honest I am nothing special, I am a below normal person, who just need somewhere, that I feel safe to talk. Where I can be myself. Even though I don't know who that is.

Now before you say that I am special and I'm not below normal. Don't. As I know I am nothing extraordinary. I don't have a book, film, or theater show to be made out of me worthy. I just, simple Miss Suzanne Taylor, who goes by the name Zanny. That's it, and that probably will always be that.

That it for today goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Five random topic

I think today I do 5 short topic to write about. So I hope this will find more about me then what I do on a day to day basis. As I more that, I do these things because of who I am. What me and a friend of mine Luke Hitchen was saying today at church, that nobody can do you, only you can. Plus we shouldn't try to fit in to the normal and that we should love our self more, but more time then others we don't. So here the topic I going to talk about;

Books I Want to Write

I want to write a series of fantasy, at least three. Like I know the outline of what I want of how this series is going to work. It going to include, humans, Elves, wizards, wolfs and war. I got it started and it a good ten pages long. Well at least 10 pages if it 5 by 8 inches long.

Book shopping- what I look for

When I do shopping for a new book, I always tend to go for a book that I don't know the author, or heard of the book itself. I don't tend to go for books that on the shelves have a review under. If I know that the book is popular I tend to avoid it, as when I read something I know that I am reading it with a open mind, and not being influence by what other people say. I would read one or two before buying it. But author, and popularity is depending on what I buy.

Love 

Yes I am talking about love, and not romantic, sort of stuff. I don't have that knowledge, and I probably won't. I mean the love for friends and family. For me since moving to Sheffield back in September of 2016 the friends I have made here, have grew really close to my heart, and I know I don't tell them that much but I love them to bits. You don't need to be in a relationship to love someone.

History

For me history is a big part of my life. I love History. If I could live in any era, that isn't now. I would totally go for Tudor England. Firstly I love Tudor building. Also there a lot of things that came out of the Tudor era that we never would of thought it would. We all think that they have poor health and poor plumbing.

Why I write my blog

I do this because I love!writing. When I first started doing  this I !mainly did it because I was was getting annoyed telling people how my life is. Now however I feel like I have a story to tell, and that I am inspirational, and I hope by people reading my blog. Understand there more to life then what you face with. It might be hard at time. I know that some post are quite low in mood, but you always see I am always back on my feet. Sometime it hard to get back up. Sometimes I do need help by my friends but I am always fighting and I am not planning of falling any time soon.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Where do I begin?

I don't know where to begin in tonight blog, and I don't want to let you down by saying that I don't want to write anything down tonight. The reason is I am just can't handle life.

I just have to keep on fighting though, even though I feel all bruised up, and can't lift my arms up anymore. I am truly drained. Like at the moment I am listening to It mean Beautiful from Everybody Talking about Jamie. Just to remind me that I am beautiful, and I am more then a object for men.

Why do men think it OK to do the things that they do. It so not OK, but there isn't anything a person can do, because they didn't physical hurt you. But what about the brain, what about the Heart. They are just as sensitive.

I am stress about living in the area that I am in, I can't wait to move. That men from Wensday, he was so close to me, he doesn't understand personal space. I felt so out of my comfort zone. So angry but all I could do was is to go into a nearby shop, thankfully somebody notice and asked if I was alright. He always gets angry when he not getting me. Like I don't know this guy who clearly in his mid 40's and just want some action, and he just see me, as a innocent, young, sweet, easy target. Only because I am innocent, young and sweet doesn't means I am a easy target. I don't want to go into details, and I feel ashamed that I been through that, from being a victims and all because I am a female and he is male.

I just feel like all that I stand for is all falling apart. Like where are the respect for women. Why are all the typical beauty in the world getting married, but inner beauty are left single, for idiot to touch them up when ever the dam feel like. I feel like that will all I get in my life, men physical touching me up and that it. Even when I keep saying no, they always back for me. Like Hawks in the night. Always circling their pray to they cave.

Anyway got to go

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Stories ad what they mean to me.

First of sorry for no post last night. I got back at 10pm for coactive at Hope City Church, well for the first time since going to it nearly 2 years ago I went to the vocal team because I am getting confidence with my singing voice, and I think you can tell that I am getting better in confidence with both my own singing voice and also knowing how to sing, and that it more then what your voice sounds like. How ever when I got home I couldn't stop sneezing and my eyes looked like I was doing drugs, they was like blood shot red, itchy and I couldn't stop tears rolling down my face.

Today was a pretty standard Friday for me, I chilled in my room, then I did a bit a food shopping, then had a meal with one of my house mates who made a nice chicken Karma.

As I didn't do much today I thought that I might talk about random topic and see where that takes me. 

Stories is today's random topic, as I know I will write more then one random topics.

For me stories have been apart of my life from day one, this is possible due to that I have a story that I know is different and one that people here that often, mainly because what I've gone though as a baby not many people are willing to talk about, or have the same outcome as mine.

My story is truly unique, in a sense that I can openly say that I do struggle, on a daily basis with the truma of what the first ten months of my life. I don't know if I will ever get out of it, or if it something I will live with for the rest of my life.

I also love reading, from historical events, I believe that if we have a better understanding of what happened in the past, we can understand today and be appreciative about it. Like I know I won't be who I am today if I haven't mat the people I have along the way.

I also enjoy fantasy, as there are times in my life, where I want to escape the horror of reality, and I can't always go into town to watch a movie, or watch a DVD. Also there something about reading a good fantasy book. Ad it give you the chance to fly away, even if it for ten minutes at time. It give me the sense of freedoms that I need. The feeling that I am needed and loved, which for a person like me, is very hard to get. So that why I love fantasy, because then I am the main character, or favorite character.

I currently reading eternity by Maggie Shayne.

Also listening to Dear Darling by Olly Murs.

Anyway goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Eventful

Today I had counselling, before you say that was fast. It the one I had from losing my friend last year. So having to talk about recant events made it super hard. Like things wasn't just easy this morning, as I was having breakfast at a the tesco extra café, when this guy who at least 40, came in to the café, he was wearing a gold graduation robe. Now I am pretty sure there was no graduation happening today and none of there would of been coming into the tesco extra café. Then he came to sit with me. The cafe was empty. I had to quietly notify the cashier who served me my breakfast. Let just say he didn't like the fact he asked to sit somewhere else.

That was the events of this morning so I had good reason to not go out. However I had a place to look at, and I feel like events of this morning wouldn't matter, they will only say you should of get the police. Like how can I just normally call the police, when a men who possible dangerous without causing myself even more danger. So it was like what do  you do.

Anyway I had to go because we already said we viewed it, and wow. The place is stunning. Like it not completely done, but it already stunning. I am luckily seen it before most people so I had a pick of 3 of the 4 flats. I said I would love flat 5. One of the ground floor ones are staff so there is 5 flats but only 4 is for residents.

The 5th one is one the 3rd and last floor and take up the whole floor. The kitchen is black and very modern. There is a dishwasher, washer/dryer. Cooker, a TV. It just lovely. The bedroom are good size. Big enough for a double, a wardrobe, some and some shelves. They say they have enough couple of weeks then just some paperwork to do. Then I need to start moving in.

After all that I chilled with some friends, we had Pizza and then we, well my friends watched White chicks. I started bit haven't finished. Is it bad I never watched the film before, like in my opinion it OK, like I watch it but because I studied media production, all I can see is all the fault in it. I know that it probably what made it good. I think it tried to hard to be a comedy. See that one of the reason I don't like it.

Anyway I got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Very hard day

Due to finding that my close friend passed away, instead being trapped in my room, or going to something that will make think about my friend even more.

It was super hard to wake up this morning, knowing that I won't ever see him again, knowing that I won't see Lucas's cheeky smile, won't see him acting like a complete idiot creating mayhem everywhere we go. At the same time he was one of those people who will be serious if need be, and he was one of those people who if you upset, abuse, and/ or anger anybody who he care about he will hunt them down. Which is hard to believe because he is like a teddy bear. But I have seam him get worked up about one of the guys who I used to worked with.

Last year when my flatmate died he spent weeks keeping on texting me to remind me that I am worth carrying and that the sun always coming up. He would also try and make sure that I was feeding myself. As he was worried that because I just had a massive scare that I would forget to eat.

Lucas's favorite song was "Back for Good" by Take That, which I have been listening to since I woke up. Well I have been in because Lucas wouldn't want to be trapped in side.

So I went to Fimo and finished my jar, that I was making for the Crisis Skylight member Celebration, I haven't toke a picture I will when I have a chance which will probably will be in September. I also finished the house I started 2 weeks ago.

Then I started and finished a necklace today.

Now I am home. The only thing I ate today is a sandwich, as I can't eat anymore. I only can managed the sandwich. I know it is stupid. Like I know I am not ill, I'm just grieving, I just lost a very close friend. I know he would remind me to eat, that he doesn't want to hear me dying of starvation, but I can't. Well not today. As I only have Rhubarb Crumble in my fridge/freezer.

Anyway going bed.

Poem

I can't look down.
Can't let go.
The fire below
Burns the soul of my feet
As the broken wings carry
This broken angle
Fading day by day.
The once white wings
Now as black as the night.
Wiped by the claws of depression.
Ripping them with ever chance they get.
Feeding the desire.
Taking all the light.
Tearing the clothes I have
Making me hate the body I live.
The scars,
The memories.
The fire are rising.
Memories they hunt me
Like the Raven of the sky.
Pecking the memories
Like on going nightmares.
How can this angle
Fight
When she got nothing
To fight with?


I know it terrible but it been a couple of weeks so I am rusty. I thought that it been a while since I wrote a poem. Like I am still focusing on my book but I thought that I might do something.

This past couple of days been really hard for me due to some bad event's these past couple of days. Losing people isn't easy. I lost somebody today. A close friend of mine, they was one of a few people who I first mat in Sheffield.  I was told this about 7pm through Facebook messages.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you.

Zanny xx

Netflix and story write up

So today as I suffered with really bad sun burnt from Friday and having in total 11 hours of sleep in a space of two days. I couldn't go to church, because I wasn't well this morning, and I knew I would of fall asleep throughout the service because of how tired I have been and not being able to have a good night sleep, due to where I got sun burnt.

So today I watched in total of ten Episode of shows on Netflix. I watched 6 episode of The Legend of Monkey. It super wried, and confusing, that why I like it, because it wried. I also watched 3 episode of Reign. Which is really good. I think I like it because of the guy who plays Francis. I also watched an episode of a series of unfortunate events. I don't know what to think of it. Like I am going to watch a couple more episode of it. See if I change my mine but I not enjoying it as much as I thought.

After all that I started to type my story up online from the notepad I've been writing it in. I haven't fully typed it up. I going to do it when I am in the mood, because I will modify and edit it when I type it. I will also add a few more paragraph in it. Ii feel like it needed to. Today I typed up 1490 words. I downloaded it so it can be saved on my devise just in case my account plays up. It also helped because this website let you preview it/ download it so you can see it as a book formats. So with how many words I so for typed up, and if I want it to be 5" by 8" the first chapter will be 9 pages. Which I am happy that I have typed that much.

I would love people advice to improve it or/and opinion on it. I know it still early days and I have a lot to write, and I know the first chapter isn't even complete. But it would be useful to at least know if people read it.

Like I know it won't be epic, I am new to the whole writing for a target audience in mind. When I write a story I normally write to myself and what I like. I do it slightly for this story, but I have to think more about who is the target audience.

So it harder to think of and trying to stick to it. Anyway it still early days and I am sticking to the end. I am hoping to write at least 400 pages so 391 to go. I can do it.

Anyway I will see you all tomorrow.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

day at Meadowhall.

Well today been good. Even though it felt like I've had a big bucket of water was thrown on me due to have about 6 hours week and also suffering with sun strock from yesterday. Struggling to keep myself awake.

Today I went to Meadowhall, as a good friend of mine, from Leicester called Emma, and her mum and dad came up to visit me for the day. We did have fun, but after a couple of hours of walking, we did feel it.

Me and Emma hung out just to catch up, we talked about our friends back down in Leicester, and how much Leicester is changing since last year, when I went to visit them. Which is like how can so much in such sort time.

I noticed it changed when I visited last year. It was heartbreaking to see how much it was changing. I know it good some change, but Leicester Lord Mayor isn't great. He making Leicester rubbish in my opinion and that polite. Sheffield lord Mayor who hasn't been Lord Mayor that long is doing a better job it just over 4 month then Leicester one.

We had a meal at Pizza Express. Out of all of us I was the only had Pizza, everybody else had some sort of pasta. It was really nice, I had the American pizza which is super nice. I would had tried something else, but Pizza Express use a lot of Mushroom in their food. Now somebody who allergic to Mushroom, that restricted a lot of things.

I got back at 4:25 and went to say hello to staff and sat up for a bit. However I was falling asleep so I had a nap. So sorry if this is bad in anyway, I just for up from the 3 hour nap. I am still tired but I have to write my blog.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody.

Zanny x

Zoo day

I went to the zoo, wow I really needed to cheer up. I couldn't stay upbeat. I feel all alone and afraid. I felt like I couldn't do anything right and that everything bad happening that in the world is my fault. I know I shouldn't blame myself for anything that happened last night. I'm not going to go in detail.

I wanted to start again to find who I am as a person. Like who I am? Who is Zanny Taylor? What make this person up? Cause all I see is negative, and people always saying there more to me then what in my mind, what my mind saying.

But it something I have to find out this myself.

I am getting more confident in things people say I am good. Like I think OK I can sing. Not brilliant, but not rubbish. However it is improvement. It something I am working on. I am an ok poet. I used to hate all my poems. I know I haven't written a poem in a who!e, but I've been really busy of late, with the play I'm in, all the crisis skylight sessions I am doing. Then the story I am doing. So I don't have much time to write poem. Sometimes I do have time but I not always have the muse for poems.

I am thinking that if only anybody want to, not that I forcing anybody to. I would like if people review it, once I finish writing my story. I know I said I don't know if I want to publish it or not, but if I do. I will then be able to do the changes that I be able to do, so if I do, it will be good enough to sell and have a fan Base.


I thinking it be interesting to add a question to you for the next week and see what you say. I will answer as well, just so it is fair and all.

Today's question is.

IF YOU HAD THE ATTENTION OF THE WORLD FOR JUST 10 SECONDS, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?

Look inside yourself before you start judging others. As we all got faults. So they can easily make fun of yours.

____________________________________________________________________

So that what I would say if I had ten second.

Currently listening

Heart and Music sung by my favorite stage actor   in the  world.   so yes I  do love Jonathan Groef. He is an amazing actor and singer.

Any I better get going now.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx