Ongoing tournament

I don't want to carry on the way I'm living. The ongoing tournament of feeling that I am hated. The ongoing war myself, that I am alone and got nothing to live for. When I know I have. Well deep in my heart I do. As today I felt like I was always running from these Wolves and not like average size one. Like one from Twilight size Wolves. I was running in this dark forest, with no speck of light to be seen and no where to escape. Nobody in miles to be seen. Which is basical what I been feeling. Like I have nobody in my life who cares about me. Even though I know it not true. That I got loads of friends, have people who love me for being me. I don't know what they see in me. I am worthless, ugly, human. I have no fit. I don't know where I meant to belong.

I have tired to watch the whole of Titanic, but probably for half way through the film, before thinking that this is dragging on a bit. Like I know what happened. Rose was greedy in hogging the door when there is enough room clearly for Jack to get on. So in a way Rose killed Jack.

My story is coming along. Still a long way to go but it is defiantly coming along. I probably share it with a few people, if I don't publish it. I know people love my stories, but I never did something like this. Where I feel like I need to complete something. I want to make people proud of me. Saying this is Zanny's work and I won't have to worry about people thinking that I can't afford to look after myself, or unable to. As then I will be able to have the meens to look after myself, plus enough to say thanks to the people who helped me.

I want to have something to look at and say yes I did that. That I created something that people love or even help create. Cause right now I don't want to do. I have nothing to say yes, that mine to.

Anyway I thought I might share the only ywpo things I'm looking forward to and they are; Everybody Talking about Jamie film and finishing my story.

Anyway goodnight

Love you

Zanny xx