Time for poem

Smile you say
They say you are strong
However there a fire
One that is hot to touch.
But it draws you near.
Until you are sucked in,
Can't escape the burns,
The hate,
The words
Ugly
Stupid
Week
Worthless
Not needed.
You know they right,
You try and hide it,
But you keep going back,
To the flames,
And there is no escape.

There are times where there is a fire in my brain in which I try and blank out and the fire does draw me in to where I believe that I am ugly, stupid, week, worthless and not needed. Due to these thought I have self harmed, nearly today. It always the same method burning my wrist on the stove.

It not something I want to do once I do it, but when I do it not me doing it.  I do try and stop myself from doing it but sometimes I in so much pain that I can't think other wise.

Tuesday with crisis

Today, the charity Crisis Spotlight who are homeless or classed as homeless due to the situation there in for example for me loving in a hostel for Vulnerable women.

This charity helps homeless people to move into long term housing, by building confidence in creative areas, or life skills. Alongside this they help people to find home by giving them a housing couch if they want.

For me I mainly to find confidence by being creative. So today, I did word Art, where we rewrote the classic song that we all sing every New year. As we explained how neither really know the words apart for one or two bits ad then we make up the rest.

Then I carried on doing a cupcake that I am doing out of stained glass. It is hard. As I was doing that my brother Robin showed his face, and we caught up as I think the last time I saw him was before I moved to Sheffield in 2016. It was nice to see him again.

Then it was writing for fun where we had to write a dairy entry every week. You had yo pick a pre-made character, a description, and a goal. I was given a Artist, who terminally I'll who want to lose their Virginaty.






















Yeah before you say anything I had to go there. Haven't yet completed it yet. So there still the who losing his virginity. To make it harder, it was set in another time and it couldn't be set in Sheffield. So I chose, 1997 Orlando, Florida. I NEVER BEEN TO THE USA let alone Orlando.

Oh well.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

New blog, but the same

Hello and welcome to Zanny's life. You might be wondering why the new blog. Well long story short, the internet is rubbish, and try using a rubbish internet when at the busiest 16/17 people are using it.

I know hatic hey. Well it not going bed stop me to writing my blog. However even though I am going to push through the sad and pain, this month of January isn't easy for me. Especially on the 24th, due to the fact that it will be my flat mate and friend, 1 year Anniversary since she was found dead in her room, feet away from were I was sitting on my bed.

So even though I am going to try, I am can't promise that the post that day will be any good or if there be one. The worst thing was sh was 21 when she passed away.

I going to be strong though, as I know that she wouldn't want me to be upset, angry or lonely on that day. She would want me to be happy and she want me to spend it with my friends.

I just don't want to tell my key worker about her anniversary coming up, as I don't want her or any other staff at the place I am living, because then it going to be a lot harder to cope.

Anyway, I went clothes shopping, and got a nice dress from Primark near the Moor Market in Sheffield. It long sleeved which for me is a place because I hate my arms well showing the scars on my arms and I always hide them.

Time for me to get ready for bed so goodnight everybody.

Love you

Zanny xx