Why does love always feel like a Battlefield

As I am writing this blog I have Jordan Sparks Battlefield. For my experience or lack of it I can personally say Love is like a Battlefield, you always fighting with it. Never really know if you winning, losing or if it a draw.

Sometimes I just wish there no such thing as love, but then again, without the magic of love then what the point of living. Also I love my friends, and even though I don't see them my family. With travel, money, me being busy and that my annoying hostel having a rule that I am not permitted to stay out more then 3 days a week and have to be back before midnight or I be locked out till 8am rules.

Anyway I only contacted here till the end of August anyway hopefully the next place is a little more free with the rules. So going to try and stay in Sheffield. I want to make Sheffield my home, but with being on Benefit I only can go where I can afford to go. Which sucks really.

Anyway I had to get up at 5:20 had four hours sleep, I'm hungry, but nothing edible in my kitchen till Tuesday. The government don't understand to live on the amount they give us isn't enough to buy enough food pay rent, and socialise at the same time.

 Like don't they understand what importance being social have. If I had no social life and spend on my money on food and rent then I will have serious mental health issue. Like I don't already have depression, suicidal thoughts and been acting on self harming.

Anyway goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx









P.s Vote for Everybody Talking about Jamie, in the 18th Anniversary of WhatsonStage Award. They deserve every single vote because they are beautiful and I owe them everything. So every chance I can say thank you I will take it no question about it.

Church and YouTube

Today I chilled out for the morning as I was super tried and needed to catch up on sleep, as I had to get up early the past couple of days and haven't had much sleep due to it.

About 3:30pm I headed down to Hope City church for the 5pm. Before you ask it takes me aboard 45 minuets to get to and from Hope City do I need to get there with enough time to at least say Hello to all my friends and find a seat.

Today service was about facing you fears and that we just need to do it and not wait till you not scared of it anymore. Yeah right like I am so not going to do anything that involves jumping and heights.  Unless the height involves me being in a plane to a hot country, and jumping, I will be only be jumping for joy for when ETAJ goes on Tour and go to Leicester and to it home town of Sheffield. It will one day. It just have to go to Leicester and Sheffield. It just wrong if it doesn't.

Anyway when I got back at half 7pm I made myself some dinner and watched a couple of YouTube videos by Chris Villain. If you don't know who he is. He a an amazing cosplayer and singer from LA. He creates a lot of music videos as well as cosplays. He done vlogs with his friend, Tyler, Dre and Leo Camacho to name a few.

I've been a fan of his ad been following his work since late 2015 and he never seams to fail on making me laugh. Also he a very few youtubers where they will open his fan mail and post his response on camera.

Anyway it getting late now.

Goodnight

Love you

Zanny xx

Time flies

A month today. On the 8th of February, I was introduced to a star, a superstar. The Beyonce of Sheffield which is Jamie New and the world of everybody talking about Jamie.

I honestly can't believe how far they came in less then a year. I am so blessed to see it grow to the beauty what it is. I knew from the night when I first saw it, that it was going to hit the west end stage. It not hitting it softly, it making an explosion. One that sooo big we going to have after shock for years to come.

It a musical that will in generation to come have people crying, laughing and smiling for days. I know that in 10 years time, when tickets will be sold out within the first hour, that I can proudly say..... I was there.

Not just 10. 20, 30,40,50+. It going to be an ageless classic.

Just love everybody who is involved. Tom, Dan, Jonathan and all the cast of ETAJ you are all superstar, and the Jamie family wouldn't be the same without you.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Quite day but reflecting on 2017

Well what a year 2017 was for me. Started of at the lowest point really. Despite this I wouldn't of gotten trough it without friends and also theatre. I couldn't help but smile at how much friendship I gained throughout 2017.

Especially with Everybody talking about Jamie. Which even reading the book of the script makes me want to cry. The storyline, the characters, the reason I first was introduced to the musical, the songs, and best thing is the friendship I made with everybody in the show at the creative time.

Today I made a little poster with song lyrics from a couple of songs, so when I feeling super down and feel like I'm on my last leg. I can look up to that, and be remained of Jamie and "what would Loco Channel do?"

Also a lot of my friends been saying how strong I was in 2017, but in all fairness you guys were my rock, if I didn't have any of my friends, then like 200% I wouldn't of welcomed 2018 in.

I had next to no more then likely no self esteem or worth. Lot of anger, and guilt inside of me. Even though I am working on those and trying to find the beauty within me and see myself as beautiful (even though I know you all need glasses to that as I don't see it). It is getting better really slowly.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx