What just happened?

Oh my what happened. I was thinking that today was an average  d. Then I for home from church around 10 to 8 at night. I chilled out in the office till I came to me room.

I quickly checked Facebook to see a notifications that somebody posted on the link from last night blog for the poem. It said if this said person can share the poem with their school in which they work at, and that it is a great message.
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My poem
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My poem will be shared in a class, like I say that they can. But I honestly wrote from my heart. I personally didn't think it good enough to post. Let alone for it to be shared at a school. So it honestly brought a tear to my eye, to think that it is worthy enough to share in front of a school.

It just like... Now my head gone all out of it. There are no words in the English language that I can think of that express how I feel, or even how much this means to me. I not anybody famous, I'm not a published author. I am just somebody in Sheffield who write blogs with a original poem thrown in there. It defiantly not something I thought I would be saying at 22.

I need to start listening to the people who love me and try and boost my confidence up. As it clear to see I can do stuff. I just to need to learn to break the chains that hold me back.

Any way I got to go

See you soon

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Let yourself shine

I've was told that I was creative, so even though I enjoy writing poems. I tried to not be too hard on myself and post something that is fresh of the page and right from the heart.

So the poem today took me about two mineuts to write. Not even that, but I just round it up. It not the best but it is something I guess. So here it is.

The path you take
To which you need to go
To reach your dream
Are not as easy
In that your first hope.
Twist, turns, ups and down
But the love in you
Will be your wings
That will carry you.
You are a star
In which in the night sky
There is a place
For you
The other stars 
Cheer you on
Waiting for you.
So let yourself shine
And take your rightful place
For others to see.

That the best I've got. I know there some things I need to change, but I thought I might challenge myself and not worry about how good it is. Even though I probably hate the fact that I've posted a rubbish poem on the internet. Any way I don't want to bore you

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

About a month

For about a month now I have this odd sense that I don't know who I am as a person. A lot of my friends say I am strong in the sense I am brave but I don't feel it. I just feel week.

Even though I didn't know myself completely, when I was a teenager. Mainly in year 10 and 11 though. However I could still say that me and describe my self. It is like I am in a different body and I have to learn everything about this one.

So for the past month I been learning about myself and trying found out who I am as a person. If you reading this and you know me on more a personal level. It would be really helpful to me to try and get to know me if you tell me what you think of me, or even who I am or a person, traits you notice about me, that could be personality or physical.

Here a few things I learnt about myself

1. I'm not brave, I'm just a fighter. I just trying to fight the fear the I have and carry on despite being scared. There have been times where I feel like I am going to loose, and there have been times where I have nearly lost.
2. I'm a hopefully. I just hopefully that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even when there is still a speck of light of light, in a tunnel that feel like it can go on for miles. I will be hopeful that if I keep on walking, doesn't how tired I get, one day I will get there.

That the only things I know about myself apart from that, I don't know. I just feel like a stranger to my self. It honestly annoying. I currently listening to Beautiful from the musical beautiful. One of the lyrics are "you are as beautiful as you feel." At the moment it feel like a pig is better looking then me.

It annoying, I am tired of thinking that of myself, however it is true how I feel. I know I'm not beautiful, but I need to start believing that it shouldn't matter, as it should be on the inside that count.

Now got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

My day

Today I tried even though I was scared due to recent events, to go outside. In case another man approach me. However a friend called Jess walked into town with me today. So at least it got me out the house.

I was meant to go to singing for fun, today Jess . We both got there with half an hour too spare. So we just chilled out till it came to half past to then been told that, after I had to call the person from Crisis. To be informed I should of been called by crisis office that she ill. So it would be canceled for today.

So me and Jess walked to Jess's  mum's work place to surprise her and have a Ginger Bear. After she did some shopping I want to church for COACTIVE where I eat a lot of watermelon, and have Pineapple, banana and coconut smoothie which I never tried before but loved.

Today was the present party. So we just watched one of the preaches from the Present conference in Sydney, Australia. It was a really good preach. Thankfully it finished just after 8 so it give me enough time to get home before it was to late. 

My friend Jess informed me that she informed the community officer that come to my hostel, to see if there any problem and informs staff of any unusual activity to keep use safe. Jess told them about me and and other girls in the hostel haven been followed and approach by men these past couple of days. So they say if they notice one of us that they make sure we are alright.

Anyway I got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Dates

So first thing first dates for the next Open mic night and the Painted fabrics. The open mic night is on July 3rd which is Tuesday and is open free of charge but donations is thankful. It will be at the same place as the last one which is Theater Deli 6 to 9:30 at night. Then for Painted fabrics production it looks like it going to be on the 30th November and the 1st December but those date or not written in stone yet. It 100% going to be in November though.

Today I've been over stressing. As this morning I had Counseling, and what happened on Saturday, Sunday and yesterday made me doubt myself and that I should just trap myself in my room so I can be safe from guys who I never mat before approaching me and touching me in very inappropriate places.

It 100% made me feel that I can't trust anyone anymore. I only had trust issues since I was little. I never pur my trust in people fully in fear, but with whole situation with these man, like how can I be certain in a random person who walks up to me, truly want to be nice, or acting nice to get some action.

The worse thing was, the guy yesterday had the nerve to do it in town near the Crucible in Sheffield as I was waiting for the number 3 to Meadowhall as I need that to get home if I decide to get a bus. Which is super rare, I probably get the bus if I running late to something or if I'm carrying something heavy. So very rare.

Anyway hopefully I will write a bit of a story tomorrow and I will post a sample paragraph, that I think is good enough. Knowing me none of them be good enough by then if ui post it then I can get advice on how to improve my work.

I probably need to stop hating my work because people do enjoy my work for some odd reason, because neither my poetry or my stories are that good. They not in the smudge even good. But one guy from crisis says he love my stories then again he is odd.

Anyway I leave you all get on with your life now.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx

Sorry

I know I say I will post on a Monday for my poems but I had quite a busy day and it totally slipped my mind. So to make it up I will post one tonight. So here it goes.

Time slow down
As I know look into his eyes
How there so much pain
Yet so much power
So much evil
Yet so kind
His story of what's been
Keeps the flame
Of our hearts
Glowing
Listen, closely
Or you might miss
The words he most want you to hear
"As all is done
A friend not far
Just look for the asters
And I'll be there.
Glory of snow
Will lead the way
To which you seek
For your heart."

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This poem was written last Tuesday. Now little flower lesson Asters in Hebrew I think means stars and Glory of snow if left to their own they can get out of control. This poem I picture a very wise and tall woodland beast in a magical forest, and a group of young adults are on a quest but got confronted by this beast. By this riddle alone they find out that not all the group true intention was there in the first place.

Anyway it 10 to 10 at night as I finish this.

So I wish you all a goodnight

Love you

Zanny

New Royal Baby

Unless you've been living under a rock or been super busy. The Duke and Duchesses of Cambridge, Prince William and Kate have welcomed their third baby to the world. It a healthy boy. Name is not up yet been revealed yet to the public. He will be the 5th in line to the thorn meaning that Prince Andrew is now 7th in line to the thorn and if he want to remarry then he doesn't have to ask his mum permission.

That it for all for the Royal baby. If you know me well then you know that I like to keep up to date in all thing Royal. I just think everybody think it all dresses, crowns and looking pretty. However that part of the role of a Royal. Despite this the public don't understand that there loads of rules of which every member of the Royal family have to follow. For example female can't cross their legs. They have to tilt their legs at an angle. They can if they want cross their ankles. Even drinking tea and coffee have a rule.

Let get onto my day. It was a wried one because normally on a Monday I meet someone at 11 from a Charity called NOMAD however she was busy in the morning and asked to meet at 1. So that means that I don't have to leave the house till 12. Where if I mat her at 11 I would meet at 10 so it totally messed my body clock up.

After that I mat somebody from Crisis Skylight as the sessions are back up and running. Today was writing for fun, which was loads of fun. I wrote a super short story, and the task was that I had to pick 6 random letters 5 of which I turn to words I know and then one I don't. Then those 6 words I need to write a story from it. We had two pictures on top to add in the story.

Anyway I need to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny