What happen? Why are you so low? To be honest. That depression. I have no idea why I am low. It doesn't help that I feel so lonely in the hostel. Even though there people in, there never hang out with me. The amount of people in the place I always hearing out in each other room, but with me it is: "Hi, How are you? I am good thank you. See you around." Never anything more.
With my friends they always busy with work or hanging out with other friends, so stuck at home in my room listening to music. Which is a good thing. As it stop me from being an idiot and listening to my brain to do more then self harming. Even though WiFi rubbish here, and you can never know when the next power cut is. So listening to my only CD which is the concept album of Everybody Talking about Jamie.
Anyway today, I sang in front of people at the Crisis skylight members Celebration. I felt like I was going to be sick and pass out. I couldn't believe I did that. I probably sang in front of 50+ people. I have to do this again in Doncaster. So yeah I managed to not pass out singing in public.
I wish you guys know how i feeling, but I don't know if you will understand how I feeling. I feel like if I try to tell you I will get a lot of question or that "I shouldn't do that." Like deep down somewhere I know, with the question I don't know the answer to he question. I just feel the why I feel. Like I want to get better. I trying to get better, but it getting to the part where I don't know what else.
One day I know things will get better. So here five goals/wishes I want to achieve.
- Go and see a boardway show
- Go to Orlando
- Get a job
- Write a book
- To preform in the shows I am long to be in.
Anyway got to go.
Goodnight everybody
Love you
Zanny xx
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