Even though I feel better today I still feel like there isn't any hope for tomorrow, and that I better just end it. I think it due how today in counseling I talked about an event what happened when I was 14 years old. Talking about it made me feel worthless and ashamed that it happened.
I thought I better come clean about it, hoping that by talking about this event will give a better understanding of who I am. When I was 14 I helped at two clubs both of which are for people with special needs. One on Monday for adults and then on Thursdays for youth.
At the Monday club there a man who at the times in his late 40's, early 50's and from that day he started following me everywhere, he would get me gift, even though he wasn't allowed, and I wasn't allowed to accept them. He was trying to touch me every single time and flirt with me.
The only person who sense something was up was my brother Robin, when one Thursday he showed up the youth club. At this point I stop helping at the clubs because I didn't feel safe, and I didn't know who I could talk to. My auntie could see it happening as she was running both clubs but she didn't anything about it.
Even though after I stopped helping out, he found out where I lived and started to ask if he can come round and hang out, when he knew I was only one in. I got to the point where I stopped answering the door. Thanksgiving after a while he stopped knocking. However it was the scariest year I had.
To this day I didn't tell anyone of what happened not even my friends or family. In fear of being judge. But I needed to get it off my chest because I can't keep in anymore, it too emotional.
Anyway got to go
Goodnight everybody
Love you
Zanny xx
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