Short post

Just as I thought that I was getting better. The wounds that was healing, had to be open on Wednesday. Now I feel 10x times worse off. I can't take this. I feel like I want to end this but can't. Like I know I only had one counseling session, but to much truma for the experience and the past that I don't need.

To make things worse I've found out that my childhood friend from Leicester passed away last night. We grew up together, we went to the same nursery and primary school together. We was also neighbours.

I remember how I would go round Joshua's house and played in the living room when our mums would sit in the kitchen drinking tea or coffee.

My favorite memory of him was in the summer holidays before we went to different high school, me, him, his mum and his little sister Melissa, went to a maze. We separated into two teams and I just remember having the time of my life that day.

So two death are on my mind, my flatmate which I just feel guilty about and then my childhood friend. Then depression playing on my mind just keep on telling me to die and that I am ugly, stupid and worthless. That I don't have a family. Which is true in a sense because I don't have any family who I talk to. So I pretty much alone on this planet.

Now got to go before I flood my bedroom.

Goodnight everybody

Zanny xx