Lonely

Today I felt very lonely, there was nothing to do. Nobody in to talk to, and I couldn't go out for a walk due to the snow and how slippy around where I live.

There isn't really anybody who I talk to where I live, and I feel like if I text or FB message them I feel like it going to take ages to respond, and with my mental health, that isn't a good thing. I know some time people are busy but there are people out there, where you know they read your message but they choice to blank it out to a like three days later and respond they just seen the message.

I just feel very worthless today, unhappy, angry with life, depressed and tried. Like I'm trying to stay away from that song but I can't and it making me feel worse and that is glee version of "If I Die young" and strange magic "I'll never fall in love again"

I really get myself sorted out. I want to make something for myself, but people making it hard for me to do that, which making me feel even worse about myself.

I wish I just see myself they way people see me. However I can't and I am getting scared at the fact that I can't. The reason is because of the thoughts that go through my head.

I am fighting though, but this fight is lonely. I feel like I am fighting it alone with kids toys. I want to win this but realistically looking at my odds, it not in my favor.

One of the staff asked all the girls who attended a meeting, asked the whole group if there a member of staff you feel you can talk to if we needed somebody to talk to. Well all about from me said kind of I said no, and she only was bothered by the kind of.

Like come on the one place where I am meant to have my opinion heard and I am being blanked. Like they know what I am going through and they not making me feel better. They making me feel worse about myself.

Anyway got to go.

Goodnight everybody

Love you

Zanny xx